nom de plume

Lots of fun today. First I got to make this sweet auction at work http://cgi.ebay.com/Roland-GR-G-77-Bass-W-Case-Synth-80s-NR_W0QQitemZ7355873294QQcategoryZ4713QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
Haha damn its still funny to me.
Then I happened upon the best advice ever printed in the new paper. Its from a 80 year old vet about hemorrhoids. The headline is what drew me to read, " Vet's self-treatment for hemorrhoids leaves too little to the imagination " so with out further ado i shall reprint it without permission.
DEAR DR. GOTT: I wrote you once a long time ago about my experience with hemorrhoids, and how to live with them without surgery. You must have thought i was joking; you didn't print my response.
Let me try again-- it will be to many of your readers' benefit if they try it-- and since it requires no medication of any kind it may well save them a great deal of pain, discomfort and, most important perhaps, money.
I am 80 years old. I got hemorrhoids during World War II while serving in the U.S. Army overseas in Europe. I was young and ignorant and treated a bad case of constipation by straining too hard, too much and for too many times.
I suffered for many years as a a result.
Then, in my middle 30s, I considered an alternative to the Vaseline that I had been using.
I gave up Thomas Crapper's infernal invention (unless I was loose, of course). I spread a couple of paper towels, sometimes Kleenex, on the floor and defecate on the paper.
Not one day since have I suffered from the pain of hemorrhoids. I take my daily (almost) defecation naturally, the way mother nature intended, and my bowels stay inside me where they belong. WHen I have a physical examinations, doctors will inform me that I have what I already know: hemorrhoids-- and i doubt that any of them believe me when I say that I am never bothered by them.

FUCKING GROSS! This guy has been shitting on the floor for almost 50 years. 50 fucking years of shitting on the goddamn floor! HAHAHA gross.

Plus I got the new Prop cd and it fucking rules. FUCK RIGHT OFF.

The Metal God giveth: http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/Music/12/07/motleycrue.reunion.ap/index.html


And The Metal god takeith away:

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=487&ncid=762&e=1&u=/ap/20041209/ap_en_ot/obit_dimebag

I feel less hopeful and less human
As I'm reduced to nothing more than
Cheering on embassy bombings
As the liars pave their way through

Four more years of War is Peace, Ignorance is Stength and Slavery is Freedom.
Four more. May all your interventions be "Humanitarian".
Four more years of pay-to-play politics, power and influence.
Four more years of legalized bribery and served corporate interests

This is ted. ted is a spider. ted is differnt because he doesnt capitalize his name. I imagine he would get very angry at you and perhaps kill you if you capitalized the t in his name. teds pretty edgy, kinda like hes on coke. ted apparently lives in the bathroom. I found him while doing some buisness. I was reading LJ posts at that time too. Yeah i take my computer with me to the bathroom, so what? I thought i should share ted and my going to the bathroom with everyone. Thats all.

I think ted needs an orign story. Ill write one later.

Oh Hell no....

Your Homocidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn
Your name:
Weapon of Choice:	Handgun
Your Favorite Target:	Crack dealers
Your Kill Count:	761,251,482
Your Battle Cry:	"Moo!"
Years You Spend in Jail:	12
How Much Money In Damages You Cause:	$133,564,954,668,276
Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 97%
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Your Homocidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn
Your name:
Weapon of Choice:	Aborted Fetus
Your Favorite Target:	People named "Steve"
Your Kill Count:	786,524,997
Your Battle Cry:	"My kidneys tingle with pleasure!"
Years You Spend in Jail:	10
How Much Money In Damages You Cause:	$179,569,360,847,045
Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 18%
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!